We all lie. We may not want to, but we do. We may not mean to, but we do. And to make matters worse, its most often ourselves we lie to. “After this party, I’ll get back on track”, “After my guest leaves, it will be simpler to stay focused”, “When the funeral’s over, I am right back to my old ways”… These are lies I have been telling myself for weeks — because I chose to allow life to stand in my way of living.

Photo Credit TheFrisky.com

Don’t misunderstand, I am not beating myself up for my choices, that won’t change them, or the impact of the 8 or 9 pounds that I so VERY EASILY piled back on. But I do have to have an HONEST, and as my Mother would say “come to Jesus meeting” with myself.

Right after the New Year, I was amped to get back on course after all the parties and holidays and family time and celebrations. I mean, why mess up a good party with “healthier eating”? Then it was the little Sisters’ birthday – no reason to turn down cake. Then my Uncle took a serious and ultimately fatal fall and for a week or so I was great about packing my little healthy pack, but as the six weeks wore on I just didn’t have the energy to stay focused on my eating choices. AND to make matters worse, I now realize that when you’re running 18 hour days, that’s the WORST possible time to abandon healthier eating. And during this same time, we had a house guest for two weeks (who had to fend for herself with whatever we had shoved in the pantry). But I wasn’t willing, yet – I just couldn’t conjure up the will power. After the funeral seemed like a great time to get right back into the swing of things, but then I realized I didn’t have the house “stocked up” for the healthier eating I wanted to do, so I started eating the foods we had stored for the guest … just until I could get to the market.

HOLY COW … when would the madness end? Then of course it was time for my Mother-In-Law’s Birthday celebrations – no reason to bother with that Healthier Twist today. I mean one more day of not eating healthy isn’t really that big of a deal in the scheme of things, is it? What’s a quick trip through McDs when you’re “STARVING” because you’ve been unsuccessfully repairing toilets for the better part of the day?

As the days have ticked past, I realize that I have continued to LIE to myself. Even as recently as last night – where I had the privilege of spending time with friends and celebrating a birthday of a dear friend. And afterwards going for Japanese and having more rice in one night than I’ve had in a month.

WHEN WILL THE MADNESS END ? WHEN WILL I BE HONEST WITH MYSELF?

Looks like today is that day! FINALLY. And I have my friend May to thank – because she posted this article on Facebook. What REALLY causes heart disease. And it’s not that I didn’t know it, it is this one paragraph that has snapped me back into reality:

“Take a moment to visualize rubbing a stiff brush repeatedly over soft skin until it becomes quite red and nearly bleeding. you kept this up several times a day, every day for five years. If you could tolerate this painful brushing, you would have a bleeding, swollen infected area that became worse with each repeated injury. This is a good way to visualize the inflammatory process that could be going on in your body right now.” – Dr. Dwight Lundell

So with each bite of of Filet O Fish, or Cadbury Chocolate Egg, or Sugary Mojito I am literally taking a wire brush to my heart and causing it to be inflamed … OUCH now that is a dose of reality right there.

I can’t say I will never again slip off the wagon, however for today, this day, I will make healthier choices that heal my body, instead of harming it.